


In The End, It's Him And I

by deansperfectbody



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 5.04 Supernatural Rewrite, Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse (Supernatural), Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Background Endverse Castiel (Supernatural), Blood and Violence, Canon-Typical Violence, Croats (Supernatural), Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Endverse!Dean/Reader, Endverse!Dean/You - Freeform, Eventual Smut, F/M, Human Endverse Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Dean Winchester, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Lucifer Possessing Sam Winchester, Major Character Undeath, Multi, Non-Graphic Violence, Protective Dean Winchester, Reader-Insert, References to Croatoan/Endverse (Supernatural), Rough Sex, Smut, Top Dean Winchester, Top Endverse Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:00:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28333497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deansperfectbody/pseuds/deansperfectbody
Summary: Dean stands up and paces, once again. You follow him with your eyes, watching him take it all in. He turns back to you. He then clicks his teeth, looking at you with disbelief.“See, now I just don't believe you. Now, tell me the truth...”, he says, clearly irritated and tired of the conversation.“For fucks sake, Dean! I’m telling you the truth! What do I have to do to get you to believe me? Because it is me!”, you explode.Dean looks stunned, like he didn’t expect it. You stare him down while he thinks about his answer.“Prove it”, he says and gets closer to you, crouching down again.You look at him and wear a confused look on your face.“What?”, you ask.“Prove it to me. Tell me something that only Y/N would know...”
Relationships: Dean Winchester & You, Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s), Dean Winchester/You
Comments: 16
Kudos: 96





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with a new fic, yay! Sorry I've been so MIA lately. It's been like over a month. I apologize. I was super busy with end of school stuff and work on top of that and now, my mental health isn't doing too well. So, I might be sporadic in my updating for now.
> 
> Anywho, hope you all enjoy this new Endverse fic. I feel like there aren't enough Endverse!Dean and Reader content so I'm throwing my hat into the proverbial ring here. Enjoy and happy reading! 
> 
> Be sure to give this fic a kudos, comment if you enjoyed it and subscribe if you want!

You're startled awake by the cold. You don't remember opening a window last night. It had been another one of those sleepless nights that plagued you often. Everything with Sam and Lucifer and Dean has been keeping you awake. 

You open your eyes slowly and blink in your surroundings. You aren’t sure if you're still asleep or not because the motel room looks different... it looks a little worse for wear. Not saying the motel is the frickin’ Ritz, to begin with, but something changed... it looks crappier than usual. 

You move around the bed and let out a groan, something was poking at your back. Something hard. You crane your neck to look at it better and see that you are sleeping on the metal frame of the bed. You scrunch your face. What the fuck is going on? You sit up and scan the room. It's in disarray. It looks like it has been torn to shreds or has been abandoned and left to rot for years. You're confused. 

You get up from the bed and walk around the space. It's the exact same room but completely frayed. There is a slight breeze coming in from the window, it is making the tarp that covers the window blow gently. You move towards the window and pull back the tarp, looking around. 

To your shock, everything is a mess and abandoned. It looks like the freaking apocalypse or something. Your breathing is starting to pick up and you want to scream or run away or hide. Anything to get you out of this nightmare. Is it a nightmare? Or is it reality? What happened in the last six hours to get you to this point? 

You whip around quickly, feeling the need to get out of the room and investigate. You are caught off guard by a familiar face. Not a friendly one either. It's that mouth-breather dick angel, Zachariah. He stands before you, all proud with a cocky smirk you are just itching to punch off of him. 

“Scary, isn’t it?”, he says. 

Your chest is heaving as you look towards the window and then back to him. Zach isn’t moving, he waits for an answer. He cocks an eyebrow as you aren’t saying anything. 

“W-where am I?”, you ask. 

Zach tilts his head to the side, feigning ignorance. It doesn’t last long though because he cracks a smirk as if you had just told the funniest joke he’s ever heard. 

“I believe you’re in Chattanooga, Tennessee. The... Super 8 Motel, if I’m not mistaken...”, Zach answers. 

But you knew this already. You knew that you checked into the motel at around ten last night, talked to Dean for a few minutes over the phone and then settled in for the night. But, when you went to bed last night everything was normal. Everything was in perfect crappy motel condition. So, where were you now? 

You look at Zach with the bitchiest bitch face you can muster up. 

“I know where I am, I just don’t... know where I am...”, you try to sound confident but you fail as you continue. 

Zach lets out a huff of air and chuckles, however, aren’t laughing. 

“What, Zach?! What’s so funny?”, your voice is raised now. Now, you're getting pissed. 

“Mind your tongue with me, girl!”, Zach starts. His facade drops and he looks at you like he wants to lunge forward and wring your neck. Now, progress was being made. 

“You’re exactly where I want you to be. Here...", he continues. 

You look around the small motel room and then back to the window, to the deserted world below you. 

“What’s so special about Chattanooga?”, you ask, still puzzled. 

Zach shakes his head, stepping towards you. He stops when he is face to face with you. You can feel his breath on your face and it makes your skin crawl. 

“It’s not the place that’s so special, Y/N, it’s the time”, Zach responds. 

Your face scrunches up for a few seconds. Zach’s eyes are still trained on you, urging you to figure out his puzzle. And then, you get it. 

“You- you did this? Did you ‘Back To The Future’ me? Am I in the future?”, you ask, panicked. 

“Ding, ding, we have a winner!”, Zach says as he steps back from you and turns around. 

“What year is it?”, you ask. 

“It’s the year 2014...”, he replies as he turs back around, that smirk on his face again. 

“Why?! Why am I here?!”, you shout. 

Zach moves across the room quickly and grabs at your face with his one hand, lifting your chin up for you to look into his eyes. He has a pretty tight grip on you and he isn’t letting go. 

“Because, I have plans for you. What you see out there? It’s the cause of the Croatoan virus...”, Zach starts. 

Your face lights up in realization. 

“Ah, see, I knew you were smarter than you looked...”

You growl at him. And he lets go of your face. He starts pacing around the room again. When his back is turned, you massage your chin. 

“The Croatoan virus became a widespread pandemic a few years ago... infecting millions, turning them into... less than human things... the world fell apart, destroyed by the virus... there’s only a few who remain, still trying to survive...”, Zach rambles on. 

You're breathing heavily now. 

“So, what’s all this got to do with me?”, you ask. 

Zach looks down at the floor and then back up at you, smiling. 

“Well, you see Y/N, that boyfriend of yours is quite stubborn... so stubborn that we figured we would try a new tactic...”, Zach says, low. 

“A new tactic?”, you ask, confused. 

“Yes. You. If Dean continues to say ‘no’ to Michael, then this...”, Zach gestures to the surroundings of the room, “will be what is left of your world, the cause of saying no to the Archangel...” 

“I still don’t get it... why me?!”, you ask, angrily. 

“To show you what the consequences will be, so you can convince him to say ‘yes’...”, Zach says. 

You scoff rather loudly, which makes Zach’s face drop. 

“Right, convince Dean. You can’t convince Dean to do anything that he doesn’t want to do!”, you say, enthusiastically. 

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out...”, Zach says. 

You pause, taking everything in. You were sent into the future to see how the world implodes so that you can tell Dean and convince him to say ‘yes’ to Michael... what a day... 

“How do I know this isn’t some sort of trick?”, you ask. 

“The time for tricks is over. We need Dean to say ‘yes’ to Michael before Lucifer gets to Sam, before billions die”, Zach says, inching towards you. 

He stops in front of you, resting a hand on your cheek, stroking it. You move away from his touch, backing up. He chuckles. 

“And we have the perfect pawn to help us achieve our goal...”, Zach says, darkly. 

“I’m not your pawn, dick!”, you shout. 

Zach chuckles again. 

“But you are, you just don’t realize it yet...”, he says with a smirk. 

You shudder at his words and tears start to rim your eyes. Zach sighs. 

“Well, I should leave you to it. You have three days to marinate in this time, to see the damage done if Dean doesn’t say ‘yes’. Three days to learn the lesson”, Zach says as he walks to the center of the room. 

“And what if I don’t ‘learn the lesson’?” 

Zach’s lip twitches as if he’s trying to hold back a smirk. 

“I’ll make sure that you do...”, he says ominously. “You’ll want to head to Camp Chitaqua... that’s where you’ll find the answers...”, Zachariah says before disappearing. 

“Where-”, you start to say but are cut off by him vanishing. 

“Couldn’t even give me some directions... douche...”, you say to yourself. 

You pause, looking around the room. You guess that your ‘task’ starts now. You have three days to find out how things get so screwed up and then you have to convince Dean to say ‘yes’ to Michael. Yeah, over your dead body that’s gonna happen. Dean wouldn’t say ‘yes’ even if you want him to. But, you were trapped in the future for three days, left to stew, so you might as well play along. 

***

You're currently in the middle of an abandoned highway, trying to hotwire one of the many cars that litter the way. You are deep in concentration and don’t really hear the shuffling that comes from behind you. Then, you hear some low groans from directly behind you. You abandon your task and turn around, slowly. 

There are a man and woman behind you but they don’t look right, they look like they are staring through you. You rise to your feet, careful not to make any sudden movements. They watch you the whole time, their dead eyes never leaving you. You put your hands up and make your way around the side of the car, your eyes trained on them as you leave the almost hot-wired vehicle. 

All at once, the woman screams at you and it makes you jump. They both rush towards you at an alarming speed and your flight or fight responses kick in. Your feet begin to move on their own, dragging you away from the two infected people, because they are infected. 

You're in a full sprint now, trying to get away. You run faster and faster as you hear the now multiple screams coming from behind you. You don’t dare look for fear that they are gaining on you. You run down the stretch of highway, never stopping. Your heart is pounding against your chest, your lungs starting to burn as your breath becomes ragged. 

You pump your arms faster, will your feet to carry you further. And then, you spot a small dirt path to your left. You eye it once, twice. It's now or never if you want to make some headway. So, you skid as you throw your body to the left, tripping a bit but catching yourself. You glance behind you and to your relief, the man and woman aren’t as close as you thought they were. 

You don’t celebrate long as you get up from the dirt and make a mad dash into the forest. All you see are trees and flashes of green as you make your way through it. You're thankful that you are a hunter and you're used to running for an extended period of time. You don't know if you could’ve held out this long if you weren’t. 

You quickly take a peek behind you and the two infected have just turned onto the dirt path. You feel the whooshing air that comes from your speed hit your face, causing your eyes to water. They're fast but for now, you're faster. But, you can’t outrun them forever, you need to find somewhere to hole up, to hide. This is like the worst game of manhunt you’ve ever played, the stakes being higher now than simply getting bragging rights when you were a child. 

You look around swiftly and nowhere seems to be viable for you to escape to. So, you dig deep inside yourself and find a burst of energy. And you run like your life depends on it, which at this particular moment, it does. And then, you see it, a tunnel or sewer pipe of some sort. You sprint towards it, still hearing the screams and groans that emanate from behind you. At this point, your ears are starting to ring and you barely hear the noises that are all around you. The sewer pipe is a tight squeeze, even for you. You wriggle your body and contort your form to make sure you fit inside the pipe, you squeeze through, even more, making sure they can’t get to you. 

And then, you stop and feel your heart still pounding. You're waiting, waiting to see if they spotted where you went. Your breathing is ragged and you try to get it to even out, failing miserably. After what seems like a lifetime, you peek your head out of the drain, hoping that they're gone.

You stick your neck out for a few seconds, looking left and then right. Analyzing every tree and outline that you can see. Surprisingly, there is nothing around. No infected. There aren’t any sounds either, groaning or otherwise. Just the wind moving through the trees. If you were in any other situation you might have found a calm from it. But, no. This just reinforces the fact that you are trapped in the Croatoan apocalyptic future. 

When you don’t see anything resembling a rage-induced zombie-like thing, you duck back into the pipe. And you wait longer than you probably needed to. But, you want to make sure that the way is clear before heading back to the highway. 

You aren’t sure how much time has passed but it must have been a long time because the sun is starting to set and it is getting colder. And now you're starting to get creeped out even more than you were before. You were always taught that you should be afraid of the things in the dark, and this just reminds you of that. You hope that you can find safety at Camp Chitaqua and find the answers that Zach wants you to find... whatever that really entails. 

You make sure to check your surroundings one last time, pausing to listen for any irregular sounds. A few seconds pass and you see nothing, so once again, you squeeze through the pipe and groan out as you pop out of the tight space. You take a deep breath in, fixing your clothes and wiping your sewer stained hands on your jeans. You are sure you smell like a sewer but you couldn’t get too caught up on that detail, at least not now. 

You start to walk and hug yourself as the wind picks up. You make your way past all of the large, old-looking trees, taking it all in. It smells like a forest. Your thoughts are interrupted when you spot the abandoned highway once again. You smile to yourself. At least this is a small victory. 

You look around, keeping your surroundings in mind as you make your way towards the car you were working on before. You open the driver-side door and crouch. You peer over your shoulder once more, being paranoid, as you start to fidget with the wires. You'd always been rather good at hot-wiring cars, which is a weird thing to be proud of, but you aren’t sure how well you’ll be able to do it in the dark. 

You bite off a piece of the plastic covering on each one of the wires, careful not to accidentally touch the exposed wires with your mouth. That wouldn’t end well. You then rub the two ends together, making them spark. A couple of attempts later and you hear the familiar roar of the engine as you tie the wires together and let them hang. You chuckle as you hop into the car and close the door. 

You put your foot on the peddle, releasing the emergency brake and shifting into first gear. The car comes to life and you're on your way. It feels odd to drive down an abandoned highway. All the cars are just strewn about mindlessly. It really does look like the apocalypse and in a way, it is. 

You've been driving for what seems like a lifetime. And still, you aren’t sure if you are anywhere near the camp. So much for getting directions or some sort of GPS. You shake your head. You see a bunch of boarded-up houses and grown out vegetation, and it's like nature is taking over because humans aren’t in the way anymore, messing everything up. 

Then, you see it. A gated up community out of the corner of your eye. You spot two men keeping guard around the front. There are also some signs that you can’t quite make out from this distance but you guess that they probably read something along the lines of ‘STAY OUT’. 

You park the car away from the entrance, not wanting to alert the guards or draw attention to yourself. You've already switched the headlights off of the car when you spotted the place, as a precaution. But, you aren’t sure if they heard the car in the distance or not. That's a chance you’d have to take. 

You carefully slip out of the car, closing the door quietly. You decide to crouch walk your way towards the camp, making yourself invisible. You need to find a way past the guards or a way inside that isn’t through them. You begin to walk towards the side of the fence, seeing another side path off of your right side. 

It's a gate that is locked up tightly. You eye it, as best you can in the dark. You reach a hand out, grabbing at the lock and pulling it once. It clangs against the metal gate and you pause, cursing yourself for doing something so stupid. 

It looks like a simple lock and one that you can easily pick. So, you fish around for your lock pick, thanking yourself that you always carry a set in your back pocket. You steady your hands and begin your task. You insert the metal pick and begin to maneuver through the various pins that are inside of the lock with the other. It takes only a minute and before you know it, you hear the familiar click of the lock. You chuckle to yourself and stuff the lockpick back into your pocket. 

You open the gate but it gets stuck when you try to open it further. Now, you only have a small opening with which to squeeze through, again. You suck in and push yourself through the tight opening, stumbling forward as sheer force knocks you through. You take a breath and start to walk through the open space, it is a sort of field. You can’t see jack-squat and you're basically stumbling around blind, praying you find your way. 

Suddenly, you bump into something hard. You reach out a hand and feel it. It feels smooth but there is also a layer of dirt or something on it. You try hard to adjust your eyes, focus on the object in front of you and surprisingly, it works. You look down and see it. You audibly gasp. It's the Impala. 

But, this doesn’t make any sense. Dean isn’t even here with you. Then, a thought crosses your mind. What if Zachariah not only wants you to see what happens to the world if Dean doesn’t say ‘yes’ but what Dean would be like too? You shake the ridiculous thought out of your head. Why would Dean be here? It could be a coincidence, someone could have stolen the Impala. Now that is a sick thought. 

You run your hands over the car, feeling the familiar smoothness and you are right, there is a layer of dirt and grime on her. She's all banged up too, not taken care of. No way Dean would let his baby get like this. You try to open the driver's side door. It's stuck. So, you try it again, harder this time. And, the door flies open, catching you off guard. You chuckle to yourself. You lean down, inspecting the interior. It is as much of a mess as the exterior of the car is, you shake your head. 

“What happened to you, girl?”, you ask quietly to the car or more to yourself. 

Suddenly, you hear the crunch of someone coming towards you. You try to look up, see who it is. But you aren’t fast enough, you're conked over the head with something and then, the world goes dark.


	2. Chapter 2

You're in and out of consciousness for a while. You hear shuffling and voices and hands on you but you can’t will yourself to wake up. Whatever the person that knocked you out hit you with, sure did its job. 

You groan as your eyes begin to open, it's a struggle. Your vision is blurred and your head is spinning. You close your eyes again and your temples start to throb. You take a breath and try again, wincing as you feel everything. Your body is sore, probably on account of hitting the ground so hard. 

Your eyes open again and this time you see the outline of someone, someone familiar. Your vision starts to get less blurry and you see it, or rather him. It's Dean. You shoot up and immediately you regret it. You let out a groan and go to touch your head but you can’t lift your one arm. You look over and see that you are handcuffed to a pipe. You are beyond confused. 

You look towards Dean and sit up, carefully. 

“Dean? Why the hell am I handcuffed to a pipe?”, you ask him. 

Dean just looks at you and chuckles. But, it isn’t the care-free, light chuckle you normally get from him. No, this one is darker. It doesn’t even sound like him, and yet it comes from the man sitting before you. You blink a couple of times, focusing on him. Dean just looks at you but it isn’t with love, it is with something that resembles resentment and contempt. 

He huffs and looks down at the ground, licking his lips and looking back at you. His face drops. 

“I think I should be asking the questions here. So, who are you?”, Dean asks. 

He gets up from his spot across from you and begins to pace, dragging a hand down his face. You scrunch your face. 

“Dean, I-I don’t understand... what is this? What are you doing?!”, you say, panic evident in your voice. 

You begin to writhe in your spot and pull at the handcuffs, you're panicking alright. Dean looks angry and fed up with you and it breaks your heart. He marches over towards you and crouches in front of you. 

“Hey, hey! Stop it!”, he barks at you. 

You jump as Dean raises his voice at you. It’s not like you've never heard him yell at you, but this was different, so much more so. 

“Who are you?!”, he asks again, keeping his voice loud and even. 

You pause. 

“It’s me, Dean. Y/N...”, you say quietly. 

Dean makes a face that looks like the air's been punched out of him. He scans your face, looking for something. And then, his face drops. He looks almost disappointed. He gets up and moves back to his seat in front of you. He looks done, annoyed. 

“Nah, not possible. Try again”, he says gruffly. 

You're stunned. 

“Dean... it’s me...”, you plead. 

You try to get Dean to look at you but he is looking anywhere but. He shakes his head and looks at you but his eyes don’t look the same. They don’t have that light in them. Something's wrong. 

“Stop lying! Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t gank you right here and now?”, he asks. 

“Because it’s me... it’s me, Dean...”, you say, in almost a whisper. You're on the verge of tears. 

He looks at you, really looks at you and shakes his head. He purses his lips and scoffs. 

“No, no. It-it can’t be...”, he says, rather solemnly. 

“Why not?”, you ask, your voice cracking. 

Dean sniffs once, rubbing his hand along his scruff. He gets up and stands before you, ignoring your question. And before you know it, you're staring down the barrel of a gun. He has cocked it. 

“Let’s try this again; what are you?”, he asks sternly. 

You look at the gun and then back at him. You're shocked, Dean would never point a gun at you, no matter how angry he got. 

“I-I’m not anything! I’m not a shapeshifter or a demon, or a-”, you start. 

“Yeah, I know. I did the drill while you were out. Silver, salt, holy water—nothing...”, Dean says, lowering the gun and uncocking it. 

He turns around, putting the gun on the table and runs a hand down his face again. 

“I just don’t get it...”, he says to himself. 

He turns to you and leans against the table, crossing his arms. “I mean, you carry every lock pick and blade that she-”, Dean says but stops himself mid-sentence. 

You feel where you keep those items with your free hand, and sure enough, they're gone. Dean’s hands must’ve been the ones that you felt on you. You can see that he's clenching his jaw, he closes his eyes for a second and takes a deep breath. Then he opens his eyes and looks at you. 

“So, wanna explain yourself?”, he continues. 

You look at him and chuckle, licking your lips. 

“Zachariah”, you say. 

His face lights up in realization. He stands up straight. He uncrosses his arms and crouches in front of you again. 

“What? What do you mean?”, he asks. 

“I-I’m from 2009... Zach ‘Back To The Future’d’ me so that I can see what happens to the world in five years if Dean... says ‘no’ to Micheal...”, you explain. 

Dean stands up and paces. You follow him with your eyes, watching him take it all in. He turns back to you. He clicks his teeth, looking at you with disbelief. 

“See, now I just don't believe you. Now, tell me the truth...”, he says, clearly irritated and tired of the conversation. 

“For fucks sake, Dean! I’m telling you the truth! What do I have to do to get you to believe me? Because it is me!”, you explode. 

Dean looks stunned, like he didn’t expect it. You stare him down while he thinks about it. 

“Prove it”, he says and gets closer to you, crouching down again. 

You stare at him and wear a confused look on your face. 

“What?”, you ask. 

“Prove it to me. Tell me something that only Y/N would know...”

You think about what to say, what to tell Dean that would make him believe you. Then, it hits you and you chuckle. Dean’s eyes never leave yours. He watches you closely. 

“Our first time...”, you say. 

Dean’s face twists into something you haven’t seen. Pain. Like he’s recalling that time and it hurts him to think about it. 

“We, uh, we were in this crappy motel room, as usual...”, you start and look down, smiling as you think back. “We had just come back from a hunt and you were pissed at me, but what else is new?”. 

Dean’s lip twitches into a smile but he quickly wipes it from his face as soon as you look at him. 

“We were arguing and you were on some rant about me being too cocky. I told you to shove it because you were being a jerk... and you...”, you pause. 

“You just looked at me with that look and I knew, I knew you wanted to kiss me. And, I let you. You just grabbed my face and kissed the fight right out of me. I melted into you. That first time was... it was sort of perfect and not to mention kind of amazing”, you chuckle and see Dean looking at you, almost like he’s going to cry. But, you continue.

“When we were lying there in bed afterwards, you were running your fingers down my arms and kissing my head and you told me that you could be happy, really happy just being with me, for the rest of your life... and uh, and we’ve been together ever since...”, you finish. 

Dean doesn’t say anything for a good few minutes, he looks up at you then like he wants to say something. But no words come out. He instead clears his throat and gets up, turning around. You can hear him scratch at his scruff. He takes a deep breath and turns back around. You cock an eyebrow when he doesn’t say anything. 

“That good enough for you or do you want more?”, you ask. 

“No, no... I- that’s enough...”, he says, low. 

You frown. 

“So, Zach zapped you here to see how bad it gets, so that you can convince your... Dean to say ‘yes’?”, he asks finally. 

“Yeah, he said he wants me to marinate for three days, whatever the hell that means...”, you say. 

Dean chuckles and it’s genuine. But he covers it up with a cough. He hums in response. 

“Why didn’t you believe that it was me?”, you ask. 

Dean opens his mouth to answer you and then closes it. He pauses. 

“I, uh, I just didn’t believe it, okay?”, he says, rather harshly. 

You nod. Dean walks around the table and heads towards the door, opening it slightly. 

“Where are you going?”, you ask. 

“I gotta run an errand”, he says. 

“What? You’re just gonna leave me here?”, you ask, pulling at the handcuffs and looking at Dean, irritated. 

“That was the plan”, he responds and smirks. 

Your mouth opens to say something else but Dean jumps in. 

“You’re just gonna stay there until I get back, until I figure out my next move...”, he says. 

Before you even get a chance to respond, Dean looks at you once more and leaves the cabin, letting the door slam on the way out. You huff out some air in annoyance and roll your eyes. That was Dean alright. No matter what world or time it was, he always knew how to get under your skin. But, you love him nonetheless. 

You sit back and yank at the handcuffs once more. You're definitely staying put, by no choice of your own either. You sigh again. 

***

It's been an hour or so now and you are growing impatient. You also had to pee but you try hard not to think about it. From the corner of your eye, you see something in the floorboard. You lean in to take a closer look and it is a nail. A freakin’ nail. You chuckle to yourself. 

You begin to scratch at it with your fingernails, trying to get it out of the floor so that you can unlock the cuffs and get out of the cabin and go... well, you haven't thought that far ahead. 

It seems like a lifetime has passed before you made any sort of progress on the nail. But, you're getting somewhere. You're starting to sweat from the amount of force it takes to dig out the nail with your raw fingertips. And you swear you broke a fingernail or two. You've finally got the majority of the nail out, you grab it tightly and start to pull. And sure enough, it pops out. You exhale deeply and sigh. Fucking finally, you think. 

You smirk at the troublesome nail and reach your arm over, making it easier to access the handcuffs. You wiggle it in the lock of your restraints, trying to find the clicking sound. You wiggle a bit more and then you hear that blessed sound. You laugh and slip out of the handcuffs. You rub at your wrist and shake it out. You then hop up and move across the room. 

You see that there is a bathroom and you quickly go to use it. This Dean is such a dick, he didn’t even ask if you needed to pee before he left you for hours, handcuffed. You roll your eyes as you think about it. 

You make your way to the door, pausing as you stand in front of it. You aren’t sure if you want to be seen yet, thinking that maybe someone might tell Dean that you escaped. And right now, you want to stay under the radar, as much as possible. 

You leave the cabin and take in a deep breath. It's nice to be out of that stuffy cabin. You move along the tree lines, careful not to raise suspicions. You look around and don’t really recognize anyone. Then you see a familiar face, it's Chuck. You chuckle lightly to yourself. He is sorting through supplies and he is alone. You almost make your way towards him, knowing he’d be an ally, but he is quickly mobbed by people you don’t know, so you abandon the thought. 

You keep going and eventually see a cabin on the outskirts of the camp. It looks like all the rest of the ones you’ve seen but there are some decorations that catch your eye, ones that make you chuckle. It is a bit eccentric and maybe, just maybe, it's your cabin. The future you's cabin. 

So, you make your way towards it, staying low as you approach. As you get closer, you notice that the door is open and there are lights on. You push past the beads that act as a barrier and make your way inside. That’s when you see it. People. Crap. 

There's a group of them, all-female. Except for one. It's Cas. You smile as you see him. He seems to hear your approach and his face drops. He just stares at you for a good minute until you cock an eyebrow. 

He seems flustered as the women that are around him start to notice you now. They all look at you with the same look Cas has on his face. Okay, what's going on? 

“Uh, why don’t we reschedule the orgy for later this week ladies?”, Cas says, in a gruff voice. 

It catches you off guard. Orgies and Cas? What the fuck? The women look back at Cas and then proceed to get up and move past you. They all seem to be looking at you as they passed, whispering amongst themselves. Once you're alone, you take a breath. Cas gets up and moves towards you, cautiously. 

“Okay, what the fuck is going on around here? First Dean and now you? What don’t I know?”, you ask, annoyed. 

Cas just looks at you. Then, he shakes his head. 

“Dean’s seen you?”, he asks. 

You frown. 

“Yeah? He’s the one who found me...”, you say. 

“Oh...”, Cas responds. 

Before you know it, Cas has you wrapped up in his arms. He holds onto you bone-crushingly tight. You hold him back but pull away when it gets hard to breathe. He chuckles and rubs the back of his neck. 

“It’s so good to see you, Y/N... but you’re not really you, are you? Not this you, anyway...”, Cas ponders. 

“Yes! Yes, exactly!”, you exclaim. 

Cas steps back and paces around the small space. 

“And let me guess, Zachariah had something to do with this?”, he asks. 

“Yeah. That flying douche just won’t quit. He said he wants me to see what the world becomes so that I can convince Dean to say ‘yes’ to Micheal”, you explain. 

“I see...”, he says. 

You sigh. 

“Cas? Can you tell me what’s going on? Both you and Dean look at me like I’m not real and it's starting to freak me out...”, you say. 

Cas stops pacing and looks at the ground, he chuckles sadly. He looks back at you and opens his mouth to speak but closes it again. He scratches at his scruff. 

“Y/N, this Y/N is dead... has been for two years now...”, Cas says, solemnly. 

He stares at you, waiting to see how you react. How is anyone supposed to react when they find out that their future self is dead? You feel the air get knocked out of your lungs and you stumble back. You begin to breathe heavily. After a few seconds of shock, you come to a conclusion. 

“That’s why Dean didn’t believe that it was really me...”, you ponder to yourself. 

You see Cas nod. 

“Yeah. I mean, the end of the world isn’t all rainbows and sunshine but at least Dean had you... when you died... he became like a shell. And he changed. After what happened to you and Sam-”, Cas says. But he stops himself. 

“Sam? What happened to Sam?”, you ask. 

“I, uh, I shouldn’t have said anything... it’s not my place...”, Cas says. 

“Cas-”, you start but you are interrupted by the sound of trucks. Dean must be back from his errand. 

You look at Cas and make a mad dash towards the sound and Cas is hot on your trail. You break through the tree line, walking up a dirt path where you see a few jeeps. You see Dean hop out of one, along with some other men. Dean tosses a can of beer to one of the men and then cracks one open for himself. 

You’re about to approach him when he pulls out his gun. You stop in your tracks and watch as he aims it at the man he just tossed the beer to. 

“Hey! Watch out!”, you shout. 

But it’s too late, Dean's already pulled the trigger and the man is dead. The man's body drops to the ground with a thump and you are shocked, shocked that Dean would kill a man in cold blood. 

Dean turns to you and sighs, he mouths something to himself and looks between the men around him and you, a sour look on his face. 

“I'm not gonna lie to you. This here-”, Dean starts, gesturing to you. “It’s pretty fucked up... But believe me, when you need to know something, you will know it. Until then, we all have work to do”. 

Dean finishes his speech and looks at you. You know that look well, he’s pissed.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean’s dragging you by your arm all the way back to the cabin like you’re a child. Cas is following along but keeping quiet. When you reach the cabin, Dean opens it with his other hand and shoves you further into the room. You’re pissed and hurt and emotional. This isn’t Dean, not even close. You turn around, facing him. You march up to him, getting in his face. 

“What the hell was that?”, you both yell at each other. 

Dean looks offended really and you snort. 

“Dean, you just blew that guy away! Murdered him in cold blood”, you shout. You were close to tears. 

Dean scoffs. 

“I did what I needed to. On our run, we had to cross through a hot zone, the place was filled with Croats-”, he starts. 

You raise your eyebrows in confusion. Dean rolls his eyes, gesturing with his hands. 

“Croats. Croatoans. We were surrounded, fighting our way through and one of em’ infected Yeager”, he explains. 

You cross your arms and frown, you shake your head. 

“What if you were wrong?”, you ask. 

Dean looks at you. He sighs. 

“'Cause after a few years of this, I know. I started seeing symptoms about a half an hour ago. Wasn't gonna be long before he flipped. I didn't see the point in troubling a good man with bad news”, Dean says. 

“Wow. You really are screwed up, aren’t you?”, you start. 

Dean’s face drops, he looks hurt. 

“You’re justifying your actions to me and all I can think is that Dean would never do anything like that, ever... something is seriously broken inside of you”, you finish. 

You walk away. Dean is quiet like he’s taking everything in. He sighs. 

“Yeah, well. Out here, things die... people die. That old Dean, the one you’re hoping I still am... that Dean died a long time ago...”, Dean says. 

You turn around and look at him but you quickly look away, you can barely stand the sight of him. Dean then scoffs and you hear him walk away, slamming the cabin door behind him. You jump at the noise. You forget that Cas is in the room but are reminded of it when he lets out a tiny cough. 

You turn to face him, he looks just as upset as Dean was but not as angry. You’re still hugging yourself tightly. 

“Man, it was like watching a highlight reel of Y/N and Dean moments... I swear you guys have had that fight before... Well, our you and him... you-you get what I mean...”, Cas stammers out. 

You snort. You uncross your arms and walk towards Cas. 

“What the hell happened to Dean to get him to this point, Cas?”, you ask. 

“Life, Y/N/N. You were the best thing to happen to him and when that was ripped away... he just shut down, shut out the world and focused on one thing. The one thing that’s kept him going all these years”, Cas explains. 

“And what’s that?”, you ask, curious. 

“Finding the Colt and killing the Devil”, Cas reveals, nonchalantly. 

You drop your hands to the side, stunned. That seemed to be a common theme on this trip. You shake your head. 

“You mean to tell me that Dean has his heart set out on some sort of suicide mission? He wants to kill Lucifer and then what? Go about the Apocalypse like nothing's wrong? Live out his days surrounded by infected?”, you wonder aloud. 

Cas shrugs. 

“I don’t know the extent of his plans but he’s pretty determined to get his hands on the Colt and to stop Lucifer... that was actually what this errand was about... he was seeing if he could find the Colt after all these years”, Cas says. 

“Find it? What the hell happened to it? Don’t you have it?”, you ask Cas. 

Cas sighs and mumbles something. 

“Why don’t we find Dean and let him explain all the details to you?”, he asks. 

“I think he’s still pissed at me...”, you say, scoffing. 

“Please, Y/N. Don’t you know by now that Dean can never stay mad at you, at least not for long. Whatever Zachariah sent you here to see, it clearly has something to do with Dean and our camp so, you’re going to have to get through to him, somehow...”, Cas says. 

You hum, nodding. And with that, you and Cas set out to find Dean and confront him again. 

***

As you and Cas make your way across the camp, in the open this time, there is definitely not a short supply of looks you are getting. It seems like people know you... knew you. It must be jarring to them to see “you” alive. They should think about what’s going through your head. 

The two of you come upon a row of cabins when suddenly, a familiar face blocks your way. It’s Chuck. He is smiling brightly and eyeing you. You smirk at his expression. 

“It really is you! They weren’t kidding!”, Chuck excitedly says. 

He reaches out and pats you on the shoulder, softly at first, like he’s testing the waters, seeing if you’re real. Then, without warning, he pulls you in for a big bear hug. He wraps his arms around your body tightly, knocking the wind out of you. You groan out, not expecting it. 

Cas stands beside you, he chuckles at the scene before him. Chuck still holds on but now it’s getting harder to breathe. You pat his arm, sort of like a wrestler does when they’re tapping out when sparring. Chuck gets the message. He pulls back, releasing you and seemingly turning pink. You chuckle aloud. 

“Thanks for that, Chuck...”, you say, still breathing heavily from the lack of air seconds before. 

Chuck smirks. 

“It’s just... really good to see you again, Y/N”, Chuck says. 

You smile warmly, nodding. Then, you cut the tender moment short, sort of feeling bad about it. 

“Uh, Chuck? Do you know where Dean is?”, you asked the short, bearded man. 

He crosses his arms over his chest and gives you a knowing smile. He looks at Cas briefly and then back at you. 

“‘Course. I always know where he is. Kinda my job to keep track of him...”, Chuck says. 

You hum. Chuck looks to Cas again, still smiling. 

“Has he seen her yet?”, Chuck asks Cas, ignoring the fact that you are standing a literal two feet from him. You roll your eyes. 

“He has”, Cas responds. 

Chuck looks even giddier. He claps his hands together. 

“Oh, yes! My OTP is back together again!”, Chuck exclaims. 

You and Cas both frown, confused. 

“Your what?”, you ask. 

Chuck’s smile fades. He looks as if he’s swallowed a bunch of thumbtacks. He opens his mouth to speak and then closes it quickly. He then tries again. 

“Did I say that aloud?”, he asks, embarrassed. 

“Uh, yes...”, Cas jumps in. “What’s it mean, Chuck?”

Chuck pauses. He knows he can’t get out of this conversation now. He rubs the back of his neck nervously, eyeing the ground. You and Cas glance at each other, amused. 

“It just means... in the “fandom world”, it’s a shorthand for “one true pairing”... like your ultimate ship...”, Chuck explains.

You snort out, looking at Cas, he shakes his head. 

“Your ultimate ship, huh?”, you ask, amusingly. 

Chuck nods, vigorously. 

“Oh yeah, you and Dean are way better together. I mean, compared to Rean? No contest”, Chuck rambles on. 

Cas chokes out a laugh, finding the situation hilarious. 

“Oh, God”, Cas mumbles under his breath. 

You eye Cas once before looking confusedly back at Chuck. You cross your arms. 

“Rean? What is that?”, you ask. 

It’s as if someone flipped on the “nerdy Chuck” switch because he is so into this conversation. 

“Oh, that’s the ship name for Dean and Risa”, Chuck says, a matter of factly. 

You nod, not absorbing any of what he’s saying. 

“‘Kay...” 

“I mean, everyone, every pairing, has a ship name. It’s sort of a mesh of the two people's names... you and Dean have one-”, Chuck starts. 

You hold a hand out, signalling for Chuck to stop. 

“I, uh, I really don’t want to know, Chuck, if I’m honest”, you start. Chuck nods, understanding. “Let’s keep some mystery about it...”

Chuck chuckles nervously once more. You breathe out. 

“So, Chuck... Dean?”, you ask the man. 

Chuck jumps back into the conversation once more, being reminded of your original question. 

“Right. He’s in the ‘War Room’”, Chuck responds. 

You look to Cas, confused once more. He shakes his head. 

“It’s- it’s just a cabin we use for strategy and to discuss missions...”, he clues you in. 

You nod, understandingly. 

“Dean came up with the name. He thinks it sounds cooler, more badass”, Cas adds. 

You smirk to yourself. That’s the most Dean thing you’ve heard all day, it makes you yearn for your Dean. Suddenly, you’re snapped back into ‘mission mode’. You want to get back to your time and to your Dean, you don’t belong in this time. You sigh. 

“That does sound like him”, you pause and in the same breath, “Thanks, Chuck”.

You pat the man on the shoulder as you pass by him, Cas walking by your side. As you walk away from Chuck, he calls out to you. 

“Oh, by the way, I think Dean and Risa are having a... disagreement. I’d watch out if I were you...”, Chuck advises. 

You smile tightly, nodding at him. 

You turn back around and you and Cas are off. You let Cas lead the way, as you don’t know where the hell you’re going, obviously. You’re walking in silence for a few minutes when you come upon another cabin. It looks the same as the others but somehow grander if that’s possible. 

You and Cas stroll up to the door and that’s when you hear it. Yelling. Actually, more like full-on screaming. Chuck wasn’t kidding, there is some sort of disagreement going on. You breathe out and open the door, the yelling getting louder and louder as you and Cas make your way inside the cabin. 

It’s as if Dean and the woman don’t notice you two as you walk further into space. They are in the middle of quite the heated argument, unaware of anyone else. Then, as Cas steps into the cabin, he lets the door slam. You jump as it slams shut. Dean and the woman snap their heads to the source of the noise, which happens to be you and Cas. Great. 

Dean stops and looks at you. His gaze isn’t as harsh as it was earlier. It’s as if he’s looking at you with longing. His expression is soft. He’s looking into your eyes and it seems like hours have passed. Then, you look away. Though, you feel another set of eyes on you. And you’re right. 

The woman Dean was arguing with, is looking at you with something you can only describe as surprise, shock and dislike. You look down at the ground, feeling the weight of the lingering tension in the air. You feel Cas lean into your side. 

“This’ll be fun”, he whispers. 

He leans back and you groan at his enthusiasm. This will not, in fact, be fun.


	4. Chapter 4

It’s as if time has no meaning in this particular moment as everyone has just stopped and are all staring at each other. You are standing awkwardly in front of Dean and his mystery woman, feeling the tensions from their fight and they know that you and Cas heard them arguing. You hear Dean clear his throat and move past the woman and you, making his way towards Cas. 

You turn away from the woman, following Dean with your eyes. He stops in front of Cas and gives him a look, one that suggests that he really didn’t want this situation to happen. For you and the other woman in the room to meet. Cas just shrugs at Dean’s wary expression. 

Dean sighs, heavily. He seems exhausted. His eyes are laced with tiredness and he has dark circles under those once shining green eyes. He glances at you for a second and then he goes back to staring at a particular spot on the wood flooring. The woman is the first to speak up, she shuffles towards you, making you look at her for the first time. She’s quite pretty, you could see why Dean would like her. 

She is standing about two inches from your face, eyeing you. She then looks past you to the guys, no doubt reading their expressions, seeing if you’re really you. 

“So, you’re back?”, she asks. 

You exhale the breath you weren’t aware you were holding in. 

“Uh, I guess? No, not really actually. I was sent here from the past... it’s- it’s a long story...”, you stammer out. 

She hums and smirks a bit. 

“Well, I’m Risa. We used to know each other, I guess...”, Risa says. 

You nod. Then, the room falls into another awkward silence. Dean’s the one to speak up this time. He runs a hand down his face, breathing out. 

“Well, that’s enough of that”, he says and moves past you all. 

He stands tall before everyone, looking at each one of you. He looks like a real leader and you can’t help but feel a pang of proudness in your chest at the sight. You smile softly and look at him. He seems to notice you looking at him and he looks right back at you. At this moment, it feels as if you are looking at the man you fell in love with, your Dean. But then your face falls when you realize this isn’t it. This isn’t your time, nor your Dean. You look away.

Dean clears his throat again. 

“Okay, let’s all meet back here in a couple of hours. I have some news from our errand that I think you all will be happy to hear and we need to discuss the next steps”, he starts. “And, uh, Y/N, you’ll be with me”, he finishes. 

You don’t protest and instead, just nod your head. And then, as if on queue, everyone disperses. Cas gives you a small smirk and leaves the cabin. Risa moves past you and doesn’t say another word, she then looks at Dean, staring him down as she leaves too. And then, you and Dean are left alone. 

Dean shifts in his spot and looks at the ground. He huffs out some air, slowly. Then, he looks at you and smiles slightly. He motions to the door with his head. 

“Let’s go for a walk”, he says and begins to leave. 

You follow along. You and Dean are walking side by side up a dirt path, silently. It’s like when you and Cas were walking together but this walk is ridden with tension and unspoken words. It’s a bit further until you can’t take it anymore. The silence is driving you nuts. You stop in your tracks. 

“Dean?”, you call out. 

Dean doesn’t realize you stopped walking and when he hears your voice call from behind him, he freezes. Like literally. You walk towards him, seeing what's the matter. You stand in front of him, to examine his face, but his eyes are closed, his expression drawn. He looks like he’s trying to concentrate. His breathing is ragged and quickened.

“Dean...”, you say again, this time softer. 

Every fibre of your being is screaming at you to touch him, to just hold him in your arms, tell him that it’s going to be okay. But, you can’t. Dean opens his eyes, finally. They are brimmed with tears and he just stares at you, intensely. He sniffs and lets out a weary chuckle. He then looks away from you, to the trees and wipes at his eyes, dragging his hand along his face and shaking the emotion away. 

You are still looking at him, waiting for him to talk to you. 

“Oh, this is so stupid”, Dean says, low. 

He looks back at you. This time, his eyes rake over your body, your face, your lips. Like he’s trying to drink in your features, remember how you were before his world destroyed you. Before he was left utterly and completely alone. 

You shake your head. 

“What? What’s stupid?”, you ask. 

“It’s just... when you called out my name, I swear- I swear it took me back to when you, my Y/N, was alive... and God, it made me feel for the first time years, it felt like you were right beside me...”, Dean says, keeping his voice low, trying to mask how shaky it is. 

Now that hit you like a ton of bricks. Maybe Dean wasn’t as broken and as unfeeling as you thought he was. He shakes his head again. 

“It’s stupid because this all feels like a dream like you’re going to be gone when I wake up and I’ll go back to being numb again...”, Dean says, he sighs. 

You hesitantly reach out a hand and bring it to Dean’s cheek. He flinches at the contact like he hasn’t been touched in years. He then relaxes into the touch and his eyes flutter closed, he leans into your hand. You’re so close to his face that you can count the freckles that litter his skin. You can feel his scruff and you let out a breath. 

It feels like Dean. It is Dean. He might not be your Dean but in any time, in any place, he is still Dean Winchester. 

Dean exhales another shaky breath and his green eyes open slowly, a tear slipping out of one of them. You bring your other hand to his other cheek, holding his face in your hands. You both pause for a few moments, letting the emotions settle. Then, Dean’s hands come up to grab at both of your wrists. He gently takes them and removes them from his face. You let your arms fall by your side and now, you’re confused as Dean goes back to seeming emotionless, a void. 

Dean sniffs once and steps back from you. The closeness and warmth radiating from him that you had once felt a few moments earlier, is gone. He looks down at the ground and mumbles something. Then, he looks at you. That cold, tough exterior drowning out anything and everything else. 

You cross your arms. 

“We should keep going”, Dean says in a low voice and you almost don’t hear it. 

Before you have the chance to reassure him, to tell him that whatever vulnerability he is afraid to show with you is okay, he’s gone. He moves quickly along the dirt path, not waiting for you to keep up. You sigh and jog to catch up to Dean, hastily walking in silence. 

***

The two of you approach Dean’s cabin and enter. Dean doesn’t waste any time and goes to grab something from the area that resembles a kitchen. You are walking around the open space, taking in everything, really for the first time. You didn’t have the awareness to notice the small things when you were handcuffed. 

You make your way to the table in the corner of the room. You sit down on a chair as you hear Dean pouring something. Then, you hear his heavy steps come towards you. He sits down across from you, two tumblers of what you assume to be whiskey on the table, his big hands wrapped around them. Dean slides one of the tumblers to you and waits. He stares at you as he waits for you to take the first sip. You cock an eyebrow. 

“This another test? Does this have holy water in it?”, you ask almost snarkily. 

Dean lets out a small chuckle, shaking his head. 

“No. It’s just whiskey”, he says, gruffly. 

You grab at the tumbler and hold it up to your lips. You take a deep inhale, smelling the rich, amber liquid. The alcohol almost burns at your nose but that’s something you enjoy. You’ve always liked the smell of hard liquor, particularly whiskey. You especially loved when Dean smelled like whiskey, which was as often as it wasn’t. Just the smell of whiskey and his cologne on his clothes drove you wild. 

He always smelled heavenly but there was something about the alcohol that made you weak. And then, when you could taste the whiskey on his tongue. That was when you knew you were in for a good night. You smirk slightly as you recall those times.   
“Good”, you say as you take a swig of the liquid. 

Your eyes lock with Dean’s as you swallow the drink, feeling it burn in that familiar, good way. He is still staring into your eyes as he takes a drink. He winces as the burning liquid travels down his throat. He chuckles and looks away as he sets his glass down. 

“‘M sorry about earlier”, Dean says, a little more seriously. 

“Which time?”, you answer, jokingly. 

You both chuckle and you take another sip of your drink, this time you feel the burn. You breathe out and sigh, Dean’s eyes on you the whole time. 

“All of it”, he says. 

You nod and lean back in your chair. 

“Well, isn’t that the Dean way? Pretending something doesn’t exist just because he doesn’t feel like dealing with it”, you say, smirking and taking another swig. 

Dean looks away, shaking his head. He smiles and it’s genuine. 

“It’s strange, y’know? Sitting here, with you, having a normal conversation, like-”, Dean says before he stops. He frowns for a minute and he looks like he’s thinking about what he was going to say. 

“Like I’m still alive?”, you finish his thought. 

Dean nods. His face is hard, emotionless like it pains him to think about you for too long. Dean then takes a long sip of his drink, downing the rest of the whiskey. He sighs and sniffs. He gets up, moving past the table and into the kitchen area. He grabs the bottle of whiskey and comes trudging back to the table. 

He huffs out as he sits back in his spot, setting the bottle down. He twists the cap off and pours himself another two fingers of whiskey. He doesn’t even bother to wait, he downs the drink fast, unceremoniously. 

Dean looks up at you with that look he always gets when he wants the world to fall away, to let the alcohol do its job and release him from his mortal coils for just a little while. You raise your eyebrows and smile at him, you then raise your glass towards him, tilting it. Then, you down your drink as well, coughing out as the burn gets intense. Dean chuckles again and you just roll your eyes. 

Dean fills up your glass and his again. You’re about to take a swig when you pause, the question you wanted to scream out, finally making its way to the surface. You put the glass down and look at Dean. He’s already downed half his drink. 

“Dean?”, you ask. 

He looks at you, putting the glass down on the table. 

“Yeah?”

“How did I die? You don’t have to tell me, it’s just- I guess it’s morbid curiosity”, you say. 

Dean pauses. You think he’s going to blow you off, get angry and storm out but to your surprise, he doesn’t. He shuffles uncomfortably but he stays put. He looks like he’s thinking about his answer. It must be hard for him, hard to relive the memory when you’re sure he’s buried it and his feelings a long time ago. 

He clears his throat once more, not looking at you but rather the table. 

“Uh, well, it was unexpected, that’s for sure...”, Dean explains, chuckling sadly.

You don’t say anything, you just listen. He takes a deep breath, seemingly to keep himself steady. 

“It was a beautiful, sunny day actually... which made everything all the more tragic...”, Dean sniffs and scratches his scruff. 

“We were on a supply run, just a typical job when we were surrounded by Croats... it all happened so fast. There were a few of us and a lot more of ‘em... as we were fighting, we got separated. I-I couldn’t think about anything else but finding you. I was fighting my way towards where I thought you were, the rest of the group was fighting off the hoard. And then, I saw that you-”, Dean pauses, he looks as if he might start crying. 

You reach out a hand and find his, gripping it tightly and reassuringly. He breathes out before continuing, keeping his eyes closed. 

“You were trying to fight them off of you. There must’ve been three or four. And I- I killed a few but the last one... the last one. Fuck- if I was quicker or if I found you a few seconds earlier I would have saved you... It clawed into you, so fast I almost missed it. And that’s when the world stopped. I-I-I froze and just watched this thing tear you apart, right in front of my eyes....”, Dean was shaking now, eyes open.

You weren’t sure if it was out of anger or agony. But, it seemed like both. Subconsciously, he gripped your hand tighter, as if he was trying to hold onto you while he rode out the waves of recalling your death. 

“I was livid and scared out of my mind and just fucking broken. I ran to you and killed the thing with my bare hands, I punched it over and over and over again until it wasn’t even close to resembling a human being anymore. And I- that’s when I saw you, on the ground, just lying there, motionless and- and dead...”, Dean finishes. 

You’re speechless, truly. What happened to you, 2014 you, was traumatic. No wonder Dean had a hard time seeing you again, it all made sense. You were on the verge of tears yourself, but you held it together, for Dean. 

With his one hand, he reached for the bottle and took a huge swig from the thing, ditching the glass entirely. You were staring at him as he drank from the bottle, a few drops of drink spilling out of his mouth and dribbling down his chin. He put the bottle back on the table and wiped at his chin. He looked up at you then and you were both staring into each other's eyes. 

“Dean, I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t- if I’d known-”, you stumble out. 

Dean waves you off. 

“No, it’s okay. You needed to know. I just- it’s still hard for me to even think about it... guess that’s why whiskey was invented, ‘s a pretty good solution to all those dark nights...”, Dean says. 

He lets out a pitiful chuckle, one full of pain. He then licks his lips subconsciously. You both pause, looking at each other. Then, you move from your seat across from Dean and go to stand in front of him. He stares at you, watches your every move. He parts his thighs subconsciously for you to stand closer to him. 

You reach out and grab his hand, holding it in yours for a moment before you place his hand on your chest, over your heart. Dean’s breathing picks up, he looks up at you, a solemn look on his face. You smile softly at him. 

“I’m here, I’m right here, Dean...”, you whisper. 

Dean’s other hand instinctively goes to grip your waist, pulling you even closer. You reach out your other hand and cup his cheek, his eyes fly closed and he leans into your touch. You gently move your thumb and stroke along his cheek, his jawline, and finally his lips. His eyes open, his lids heavy as he watches what you’re doing. 

You move your hand down and play with the hem of his shirt and then your hand snakes to the back of his neck, resting it below his hairline, playing with the short hairs. Your other hand goes to join it and you’re holding Dean closely. His hand leaves your chest and goes to the other side of your waist. 

“I missed you so goddamn much, Y/N...”, Dean says. 

You nod. You understand now just how much he means it. 

Dean is just looking at you with that same intensity you know well. It’s how he always looks at you. It means that he adores you, loves you wholeheartedly. It means he doesn’t just want your body but your soul too. 

“Well, I’m here, what are you going to do about it?”, you ask in a dark tone. 

Dean chuckles and throws his head back. It’s nice to see him somewhat letting go. He then removes one of his hands from your waist and his face darkens, gets serious. This time, he’s the one to reach out and caress your cheek. It feels good, safe, familiar. You smile softly and watch as the lights hit Dean’s eyes just right, making those emeralds sparkle. 

Dean leans in, slowly. You meet him halfway and place your lips on his, moving steadily as the kiss grows deeper. It’s like Dean is pouring every emotion, feeling and unspoken word into it. His hands tangle in your hair, gripping it tightly but you don’t mind. You move swiftly to sit in Dean’s lap. Dean lets out a groan as you sit down, moving a bit to get more friction. Then, the once soft and tempered kiss is no more. The hungry and want-filled side of you both takes over. 

You are each fighting for dominance, your tongues roaming every inch of each other’s mouth. Then, you break the kiss, you’re both breathing heavily. Dean smiles darkly at you and you bite your lip. Then, Dean grips your waist tightly and stands up, moving hastily around the room. You let out a squeal as it catches you off guard, instinctively wrapping your legs around Dean's middle. Dean chuckles.


	5. Chapter 5

You and Dean didn’t even get five steps before he pushes you up against the wall and starts grinding into you. Your tongues dance together as the heat and tension continue to escalate. You let out a moan as Dean kisses and nips at your neck, your lips. He takes your bottom lip between his teeth, biting it softly, eliciting another involuntary moan from you. 

You push Dean from you for a moment, taking off your shirt with haste. Dean follows suit, striping his many layers from his top and dropping his pants. You smirk at his tented boxers. 

Then, he picks you back up again. He starts to kiss up the side of your neck, letting his tongue dart out and lick along your throat, your pulse point. Your hands are tangled in his hair, gripping him tightly as he grinds up into you, bucking to gain more friction. It’s pure torture because there is only a thin layer that separates the two of you. It never ceases to amaze you how wet you manage to get for Dean, because of Dean. He turns you on like no one ever has, like no one ever will. 

You watch Dean’s muscles flex as he grips you tighter, holds you closer. He’s kissing between your breasts now, the fabric of your bra making it difficult. With his one hand, Dean reaches around to your back and unhooks your bra, letting it fall from your body to the floor. 

Dean smiles softly and kisses you again, this time rougher while his hands roam every inch of your body. Your hands are in his hair again, your body pressing firmly against his. You can’t take it anymore, you need him. After a while you pull back, gasping for air. Dean’s lips are swollen and pink, spit slick. 

“Dean... I need you...”, you say, low. 

Dean’s hand grazes over your cheek, his knuckles dragging across your skin, setting you on fire. He nods. Then, you buck into him, needing to feel him. He chuckles and stripes himself of his boxers. His dick springs free and hits his stomach as he goes to peel you from your pants, dragging your panties along with them. He tosses them somewhere behind him, not that you’re really paying attention. 

You spit into your hand and begin to stroke his length in your one hand. Dean moans aloud and his eyes snap shut. Involuntarily he jerks up into your hand, so you keep stroking him faster and faster, curving your hand as it grazes over his tip. He’s losing himself, you can see it on his face. His features contort into something of pure bliss and pleasure. His breathing is ragged and it’s as if he’s now aware of what you’re doing. He opens his eyes and his hand goes to remove yours from his dick. He looks at you softly, kisses the hand you were just jerking him off with. 

“As much as I enjoy that... I want to feel you tonight and I want to enjoy every minute with you...”, Dean says in a whisper. 

You nod and Dean kisses you again, roughly. He then grabs your thighs and pulls you up, you wrap your legs around him and your pussy grazes his now slicked up dick. You groan as Dean waits, letting the tension hang in the air. You’re both breathing heavily. Then, Dean pushes into you, stalling for a moment to let you adjust. You gasp as you feel him fill you up and you throw your head back. 

Then he waits, closes his eyes as he tries to keep himself together, you know. 

“Dean...”, you moan out. 

Dean kisses your neck and begins to move deeper inside of you, then he stops again. He removes his lips from your neck and pecks your lips once. His hands move to your ass, kneading it as he suddenly moves out of you slightly. He then pounds into you, fast and deep. You moan as he does it again, shifting his angle slightly. 

Dean’s hands are in your hair, pulling it slightly as he fucks up into you. You’re kissing his neck, his jawline as he moans your name. Dean then moves a hand from your waist and it travels between the two of you. He rests a finger on your clit, making you squirm from sudden touch. Dean chuckles as he begins to rub at it, pressing down in time with his thrusts. You’re a moaning mess above him. 

“God, I missed you, this, so damn much... don’t ever leave me, please...”, Dean lets out through ecstasy filled cries. 

You kiss him deeply, pouring every emotion you feel in that moment into the kiss. Dean reciprocates. He then pulls back, leaning his forehead on yours as he flicks at your clit, reminding you of what he was doing. 

Dean’s thrusts become sloppy and he rubs you faster, harder. The pressure builds and builds as you hear Dean breathing heavily above you, your name on his lips. 

“Come on, come for me... come for me baby....”, he says as he slams into you once more. 

That is more than enough to send you over the edge, you feel your walls tighten around Dean’s cock and your stomach flutters with that familiar feeling. And then, you’re coming and he's not far behind you. Dean thrusts a couple more times and then he shudders as he comes inside of you, filling you up. He lets his head fall on your shoulder, panting. 

You stroke the back of his head, soothingly. It’s as if you’ve been in the position you’re in for some time because you can feel Dean’s cock go limp inside of you. Dean shifts, still breathing heavily. His eyes open and he kisses your shoulder as he pulls back. And then he slides out of you, a squishing sound accompanying his dick as he removes it. He places you back on the floor. Your legs are still a bit wobbly so you stumble, Dean is quick to wrap his arms around you, steadying you. 

You both chuckle and Dean kisses you, sweetly. 

“Thank you”, he says. 

Your eyebrows furrow. 

“For what?”, you ask. 

“Well, for that”, Dean says as he looks to the ground, chuckling. You join him. 

“It was pretty good, wasn’t it?”, you ask. 

“Yeah, it was”, Dean says, his face dropping. “What I said... during uh-”. 

“It’s okay, I get it...”, you say, waving him off. 

“I don’t expect you to stay here, to stay with me... this isn’t your time and as much as I hate it, in a couple of days, I’m going to have to say goodbye to you again...”, Dean says, somberly. 

“Hey, I know, I know it hurts...”, you say soothingly. 

You reach out and wrap yourself around Dean, your sweaty bodies sticking together as you embrace him. He buries his face in the crook of your neck and breathes, like he’s breathing you in, relishing your every move. 

Dean pulls back, smiling sadly at you. You stroke his cheek, feeling his scruff as you run your fingers along his face. Dean’s hand comes to rest on top of yours, you smile at him. 

“We should probably get to that meeting, hm?”, you ask Dean. 

He nods. 

“Yeah, we should”. 

You and Dean grab your clothes, slipping them on, not really saying much to each other. The sombre silence is crushing so after you and Dean are dressed and he is heading to the door, you grab at his arm and turn him towards you. You then stand up on your toes and kiss him with purpose, with passion. You pull back, tears rimming your eyes. 

“I’m sorry Zachariah brought me here in the first place, made you see me again... I wish I hadn’t brought you such misery...”, you say. 

You’re about to walk away when Dean catches you, he kisses you again, with hunger and lust and agony all rolled into one. You can feel his lips lazily grabbing at your own, feeling him sucking on your tongue, swallowing your emotions. He pulls back. 

“Don’t ever apologize. This was my chance to say goodbye to you, properly this time and I wouldn’t change that for anything. I wouldn’t take back any of our time together and I’m sorry that I made you feel like I was trying to erase any of it...”, he says. 

You nod. Dean cups your face in his hands, he places a kiss on the tip of your nose and you laugh. That was your and Dean’s thing. Whenever one of you was feeling down or reeling from something emotional, the other would grab the person’s face and kiss the tip of their nose. It would make them smile, burst out laughing. It was a “hey, I’m here, I’m always gonna be here” thing. Dean pushes a strand of hair behind your ear and takes your hand, leading you out of the cabin.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been a few days, i had a block and i couldn't decide what to write next. here is the next part tho.

It’s dark now as you and Dean make your way back to the ‘War Room’. You still find yourself smiling at the name. At least Dean’s sense of childlike wonder never left him. It might be buried deep within, but it’s there. Dean has your hand in his, leading you to the cabin you were in merely hours before.

You approach the cabin, looking at it as if to take it all in. Then, Dean smiles gently at you, nodding at you while he walks a bit further ahead, you follow. He opens up the door and to your surprise, Cas and Risa are already there, sitting and talking amongst themselves. They turn to look at you both. Cas smiles, knowingly. Even in this time, he knows when you and Dean get up to no good. You’re sure you’ll get an earful later. Risa, on the other hand, has a permanent scowl on her face. You don’t know if it’s directed at you or Dean, probably both. 

Dean clears his throat and moves towards the table where the other two are seated, you trail behind him. Cas is sitting down, his legs on the table top. You roll your eyes. Risa is leaning against a beam. Dean makes his way to the corner of the room, picking up a duffle from the floor and tossing it on the table, it clunks loudly. There must be weapons or other heavy things in it. 

Dean then leans forward against the table, supporting his weight on his hands as he looks at everyone, about to start speaking. You stand next to Cas, arms crossed. 

“So, you all know what the mission was this afternoon and it was a success...”, Dean announces. 

You frown. 

“Uh, I don’t...”, you say. 

Dean doesn’t say anything but rather reaches inside the duffle bag and ruffles his hands inside. Then he pulls out a sleek looking gun, one with etchings and familiar carvings. You gasp audibly. 

“Is that-?”, you ask. 

Dean looks at you this time. His hands trail over the gun, his fingers delicately tracing every inch of it. He flips it around and rubs some dirt from it’s otherwise shiny exterior. 

“Yup. The Colt”, he answers. 

Cas and Risa both shuffle, paying attention now. 

“I don’t understand. What was this mission about exactly?”, you ask, to no one in particular. 

“It was about getting the Colt, obviously”, Risa says, annoyed. 

Dean shoots her a look, as if to tell her to back off. She puts her hands up in surrender and leans back into the beam. 

“Why did you have to look for it? What happened?”, you ask Dean, looking at him with intensity. 

He sighs. 

“It’s been five years since I lost the Colt... and they’ve been moving it around ever since... and finally- finally I have it...”, Dean says, looking at the Colt. 

“Who was moving it around?”, you ask, but some part of you knows the answer. 

“Lucifer’s demons. But tonight... I’m going to kill the Devil”, Dean says. 

He puts the Colt on the table and walks away, grabbing a glass and another bottle of whisky. Your jaw drops. What is Dean thinking? He can’t just kill Lucifer. He can’t. 

“W-what?! Dean, you can’t”, you say, rather loudly. 

Dean takes a sip from his drink and then looks at you, an unreadable expression on his face. Cas and Risa are silent, watching the scene play out. 

“And why the Hell not?”, he asks, rather angrily. 

You pause and walk towards him. You place a hand on his arm, the tension he has seemingly melting away. 

“Because I don’t want you to rush into something, guns blazing and get yourself hurt... or worse...”, you say, quietly. 

Dean smiles softly at you and strokes your cheek, but then he pulls away, walking back to the head of the table where he was. You sigh. Dean’s made up his mind and one thing that’s certain about Dean is that once his mind is made up, there’s no changing it. You walk back to where you were and this time plop down in the seat next to Cas. He gives you a sympathetic look. 

“So, that’s it, huh?”, Risa asks, cutting through the tension. “Doesn’t look like it can do much”. 

Dean eyes her and chuckles. 

“Oh, believe me, I’ve seen this baby in action and she is not one to be underestimated”, Dean says. 

“What’s the plan?”, Cas asks. 

“We know where Lucifer is holed up, the demon from last week, he was one of the big guy's entourage. He knew”, Dean says. 

Cas shrugs, leaning back. 

“So, a demon tells you where Satan's gonna be, and you just believe it?”, Risa questions and for the first time, you agree with her. 

“Oh, trust me, he wasn't lying”, Dean says, a glimmer of something shines in his eyes, something dark. 

He looks towards you for a moment but then looks away. 

“And you know this how?”, you ask. 

You cross your arms and look at Dean firmly, staring at him with so much intensity that he gets flustered. You always look at Dean this way when he is skirting around telling you something, something that is always seemingly life-altering. 

Cas speaks up instead, “Our fearless leader, I'm afraid, is all too well-schooled in the art of getting to the truth”. 

You look at Cas for a quick second before your eyes are back on Dean, your eyebrows raised. 

“Torture, Dean? Really?”, you ask. 

Dean doesn’t say anything, he looks rather speechless. 

“No, that's—that's good. Classy”, you say, sarcastically. 

Cas chuckles loudly and Dean’s head snaps to him, giving him a death glare. Cas just keeps laughing. 

“What? I missed this. She always knew how to press your buttons”, Cas says. 

Dean smirks slightly at his comment. You look at Dean still, shaking your head. But you’re not angry, more amused by his reaction. Although the torturing stuff does alarm you, it’s not really your place to question the methods of people in this time, what they have to do to survive. 

Dean clears his throat and then reaches into the duffle bag again, he pulls out a folded piece of paper. He then grabs the duffle bag and tosses it on the floor. He fans the paper out; it’s a map. He sets it on the table, his hands smoothing down the surface. He then looks at each one of you. 

“Lucifer is here. Now. I know the block and I know the building”, Dean announces as he gestures to a spot on the map. 

Cas stands up now, leaning into the table to see where Dean is pointing, he sighs. 

“Oh, good—it's right in the middle of a hot zone”, Cas says, clearly not enjoying Dean’s plan. 

“Crawling with Croats, yeah. You saying my plan is reckless?”, Dean says, with authority. 

“Are you saying we, uh, walk in straight up the driveway, past all the demons and the Croats, and we shoot the devil?”, Cas asks. 

“Yes”, Dean answers, snappily. 

Cas' breathing hitches and he groans out, rolling his eyes.

“Okay, if you don't like, uh, 'reckless', I could use 'insouciant', maybe”, Cas says. 

You snort out and Dean looks at you, clearly unamused. You just smirk at him, he’s the one to roll his eyes this time. 

“Are you coming?”, Dean asks Cas.

“Of course. But why is she? I mean, she's from the past. If something happens to her-”, Cas starts, gesturing to you. 

“Then, it doesn’t matter, it won’t affect anything because I’m already dead in this time...”, you finish Cas’ thought. 

The room grows silent as you look towards Dean, he only looks at you for a moment, hanging his head in shame. 

“She’s coming”, Dean says, low but loud enough for everyone to hear it. 

Cas clears his throat and stands up, he pats your shoulder as if to comfort you. You cross your arms over your chest again, holding yourself. 

“Okay. Well, uh. I'll get the grunts moving”, Cas announces and heads out of the cabin, with Risa in tow. 

“We're loaded and on the road by midnight”, Dean calls out as the two leave. Cas waves a hand behind him, signalling to Dean that he understands.

When the cabin door shuts and you and Dean are alone, Dean walks over to you and crouches in front of you, looking at you. He scans your face, trying to get a sense of what you’re feeling but you don’t look up at him, your eyes trained on your shoes. Dean sighs. 

“I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to say make it seem like...”, Dean whispers. 

You look up, your face scrunches as you hear his words. You scoff and stand up. 

“It’s fine”, you say, short and snippily. 

You’re moving towards the door, needing to be away from Dean. You’re half-way there when Dean catches up to you, damn his long strides. He has a hold on both your arms and he’s not letting you go, making you face him. 

“Please... Y/N. You mean too much to me, It’s just-”, he starts. 

“What? I’m not her, right?”, you say, accusatorily. 

Dean flinches at your accusation. But, he knows you’re right, and now you know it too.

“Well, news flash, you’re not my Dean either...”, you say, the poison on your tongue shooting out. 

Dean drops his hands from your arms and looks down. He doesn’t say anything else to you, he’s silent. So, you take that as your cue to leave. You swing open the cabin door as fast as you can and step out into the cool night, not even giving Dean another look. 

* 

You wander around the camp, pissed and upset. You don’t even know where you’re going at this point, but you just know that you can’t see Dean again, at least not right now. Then, you spot Cas’ cabin and head towards it. You walk up the few steps and let yourself in, you’re sure Cas wouldn’t mind you hiding out in his space for a bit. 

You sigh as you walk around the main area, looking at all the eclectic things that Cas has no doubt curated over the years, you smile at the thought. You reach a dresser of some sort and see a photo. It’s of Cas and a few other men, Bobby included. It seems to be from some time ago because you can tell it’s old, it has rips and it’s frayed, also some of the people from the photo aren’t here anymore. 

That thought makes you sad, so you put the photo down. You turn away from the dresser and let out a huff of air and sniff, on the verge of tears. Suddenly, you hear something rustle outside and eventually make its way inside. To your not surprise, it’s Cas. He seems surprised by you standing in his cabin. You smile gently at him, looking down. 

“Let me guess. You two had another fight?”, Cas says, moving towards you. 

You smile sadly, not really wanting to think about what had happened with Dean. 

“Something like that...”, you reply. 

Cas stands in front of you now, looking down slightly since he has some height on you. He hums and rubs at your arms, reassuringly. Then, you move past him, suddenly overcome with anger. 

“I don’t know why I’m letting this get to me!”, you shout. 

Cas turns around, following you with his eyes, he doesn’t respond. You keep walking, pacing in the room. Then, you stop, turning back to Cas. 

“This isn’t my time and he isn’t my Dean!”, you gesture with your hands. Cas chuckles out. 

“I just- I don’t know what I was expecting... it certainly wasn’t this”, you finish. 

Cas strides over to you again, he smiles. He just stares at you, cocking an eyebrow. 

“What?”, you ask. 

“You two did it, didn’t you? You had sex!”, Cas accuses. 

You can’t help but blush at the memory, turning away when Cas points at you and chuckles. 

“That’s- that’s not the point”, you try to recover. 

“I don’t know if it’s sweet or screwed up...”, Cas says. 

You scoff. 

“Cas!”, you laugh as you scold him. 

He shrugs. 

“I mean, technically you fucked a future Dean, which is weird and he fucked a past you... also weird... and not to mention, you’re dating his past self so does that count as cheating? And future you is dead so... I don’t even know how to unpack that”, Cas blurts out.

You’re speechless, you don’t know how to respond to that. You open your mouth to rebuttal but can’t find the words so you close it. 

“Sorry. Was that too much?”, Cas says after a moment, clearly unaware of the effect his verbal diarrhea had on you. 

You just laugh as Cas stares at you, waiting for confirmation on whether he offended you or not. When you start laughing, he sighs in relief and joins in. Your laughing is interrupted by some else entering Cas’ cabin. The sounds draw your laughter to a halt and you both turn your heads towards the source. It’s Risa. She wears an unreadable expression on her face. She looks around the cabin with distaste. She shakes her head. 

“It’s time to roll out”, she announces. 

You and Cas look at each other once more and then focus on Risa, she nods and then heads back out of the cabin. 

“Moment of truth”, Cas says and heads towards the door. 

He pauses when you don’t follow, a frown etched on your face. When you notice Cas looking back at you, you snap out of your trance. You smile slightly and nod. 

“Yeah”. 

You follow Cas out of the cabin and down a dirt path, then you see it as you break the tree line, a couple of jeeps. You spot Risa hopping into one and Cas pats your shoulder as he jogs to catch up to her, getting into her van. You’re caught off guard when you face forward and see Dean standing before you, he has an annoyed expression on his face. He licks his lips subconsciously and steps a bit closer to you. 

“You’re with me”, he says.


	7. Chapter 7

Dean walks away from you after a pause of hesitation. You sigh and follow Dean the few steps to the other jeep. You get in. Dean looks at you once you’re in and begins to drive away, out of the camp. Cas and Risa follow not too far behind. The tension around you both is suffocating as you both drive in silence. You’re both stubborn creatures and could easily stew for as long as it would take the other to break. But, you’ve had enough of the childishness, on both of your parts. So, you speak up first. 

“I know you don’t owe me anything, but for what it’s worth, I’m sorry for it all...”, you say, not looking at Dean once. 

Dean turns to you, his hands still gripping the wheel tightly. He does that thing where he clenches his jaw, as if to hold back what he’s really feeling. He sighs. Then he turns back, facing the road. He shakes his head. 

“You need to know that I didn’t even remotely mean to say what I did... it’s just a weird thing, seeing you alive, breathing you in, having... sex with you. Because in my mind, you’re dead... it’s like I’m going insane...”, Dean admits. 

He still doesn’t look at you. So, you take the opportunity to reach over and place a hand on his thigh and squeeze it. Dean then turns to you and smiles. 

“I know, more than you think... it’s weird for me too... but, I have to accept that this will be over soon and you’ll go back to mourning me all over again”, you say, solemnly, removing your hand. 

Dean reaches out one of his hands, taking it off of the wheel and places it on your cheek. You breathe deeply, letting the moment wash over you. It’s nice. But then your thoughts get the better of you. It was nice what you and Dean had, if only for a brief moment in some screwed up timeline. It wasn’t real, at least not in the way you want it to be, not in the way he needs it to be. You’re dead and as screwed up as it is, you’ll be gone soon and you’ll go back to being dead again, staying dead. 

In the grand scheme of things, all this interaction was, was a blip in the greater plan. And you hate it, you hate how you’ve ruined this Dean, made him open up old wounds just so that the angels can have their sword for the final battle. Well, screw that. You’re not a pawn and you’re sure as Hell no dick-wads puppet. Dean, your Dean, will never say ‘yes’ to Michael, as long as you have some say in it. 

* 

It’s been a couple of hours of silent driving, you can tell by the tiredness and heaviness on his expression that Dean is feeling the exhaustion from the last day and a half. You look over towards him, his eyes glued to the road, never wavering. You clear your throat. 

“Did you want me to drive for a while? You just need to tell me where to go”, you ask, your voice comes out hoarse, on account of not having talked in a while. 

Dean glances in your direction for a brief second then turns his attention back to the road. 

“Nah, it’s okay. I’m good”, he says. 

“‘K”, you say in a hushed voice, more to yourself. 

After a second more of this suffocating silence, you groan out, rubbing at your eyes. A question that’s been bugging you since you learned of this whole “mission” makes its way to the surface. 

“Why are you bringing me along? Disregarding everything I accused you of... I’m just curious”, you ask Dean. 

He glances at you once before looking away. You assume he wants to see your expression, wants to see if you’re going to yell at him again. 

“You’ll be fine. Zach’s looking out for you, right? He won’t let anything happen to you... I won’t either...”, Dean says, mumbling the last part. 

You look at him and sigh. 

“That’s not what I meant. I want to know the reason why you want me tagging along. The truth”. 

Dean clears his throat, not looking at you. He has a frown etched on his face, like he’s looking for the right words to say. 

“The truth?”, Dean asks, almost amused. He hums and pauses for a moment. “Well, the truth is that I want you by my side, I want to keep an eye on you, make sure nothing bad happens to you... not again...”, Dean says, pausing. “But I also want to show you something”. 

Your face scrunches. 

“What do you want to show me?”, you ask. 

Dean shuffles in his seat, he adjusts his grip on the wheel, almost white-knuckling it. You can tell he’s tense.

“Sam”, he says, clearly and steadily. 

You continue to frown. 

“Sam? But I thought... Cas told me-”, you stumble out. 

Dean’s eyes flicker to you, his face is drawn, he looks almost saddened by what he’s telling you. 

“Yeah, I know what Cas told you but I just didn’t want you to know, not then...”, Dean says. 

“Didn’t want me to know what?”, you say, this time a little more upset that Dean keeps skirting around what he’s trying to say. 

“That Sam isn’t dead... that he’s alive”. 

“B-but...”, you stammer out, confused as all Hell. 

“He didn’t die in Detroit... he said ‘yes’...”, Dean says, low. 

“You mean-”, you attempt to ask, but Dean jumps in. 

“Yup. The big ‘yes’”. 

You let a whoosh of air slip past your lips, you’re in shock. This is news to you, for sure. Dean is periodically looking between you and the road, trying to get a read on what you’re thinking. But, you just sit there, letting the darkness hide your emotions, letting the silence calm your nerves. 

“What is it you want me to see exactly, Dean?”, you ask, seriously wondering what Dean thinks seeing Sam will instill in you. 

“I want you to see what he becomes so that you can stop it... so that you can tell your Dean and maybe, maybe you can prevent this shit-show future somehow...”, Dean urges. 

You shake your head, not really believing what you’re hearing. Dean is basically telling you that he wants you to stop the Apocalypse, single-handedly. Another question nags at you. 

“Why would he say ‘yes’?”, you question, looking at Dean. 

Dean turns to you for a moment, his eyes glazing over, he then looks away and sniffs. 

“Wish I knew, I really wish I did. But it doesn’t matter, not anymore. I know where he is and now, I have the means to kill him, so that’s what I’m going to do”, Dean says, with finality in his tone. 

“Dean-”, you start. 

“Zach’s gonna haul you back to ‘09 when this is all over, right?”, his question catches you off-guard. 

“Y-yeah, I guess”. 

“Well, when you get back to your time, I want you to convince me”, Dean starts. 

You raise your eyebrows at him, wondering what he’s going on about. 

“I want you to convince me, your Dean, to say ‘yes’ to Michael. I need you to do that”. 

You shake your head, staring Dean down. 

“No! I won’t!”, you yell. 

“Y/N-”, Dean says. 

“I won’t let you or Sam become human meat shields for those winged sons of bitches! I won’t see you become pawns in some big bad’s ultimate battle... I just won’t!”, you continue. 

“Y/N!”, Dean raises his voice, snapping you out of your rage. Now, the tears start. You sniff and wipe at your eyes. 

Dean’s grip on the wheel tightens and he reaches a hand and squeezes your thigh, making you look at him. 

“Look around, there’s nothing left of this world anymore! So, if some ultimate battle is what it takes to satisfy those dicks and get a different outcome than this... I would’ve said ‘yes’ a million times if I knew back then. I would’ve screamed it till I was blue in the face if I’d have known the loss that I would’ve felt five years down the road...”, Dean says, loudly and full of absolution. 

“There has to be some other way”, you say, tearfully and low. 

Dean stares at you, raking his eyes over your features, his face just as full of pain and sorrow. 

“There isn’t. You have to convince me, you have to prevent this...”, he whispers. 

You wipe at your eyes again and let everything settle, then you turn to Dean, a defiant expression on your face, you shake your head. So, Dean removes his hand from your thigh, the hand going back on the wheel. 

“But, you won’t. Because I know you. I know how you work, how you think, Y/N. You think it’s a stupid and suicidal idea. And you won’t let Sam or I go through with it... even if it means risking your own life... that’s just who you are, isn’t it?”, Dean says. 

He looks at you not exactly with contempt but something softer, something like admiration that you would be willing to risk everything, including your own life for him and Sam. And well, you would, because they are the only family you have left and you don’t let family do stupid things. 

Dean doesn’t look at you again, not until you’re barely keeping your eyes open, he notices and smirks a little, but not so much that you’d notice and say something to him. 

“We’re a couple more hours from the outpost, why don’t you get some shut-eye till then?”, he asks you, softly. 

All you do is nod and shuffle in the seat, sliding down a bit. You close your eyes and let your head lull to the side. You breathe in deeply, letting yourself calm down and letting your body settle. 

*

You feel a hand nudge you a little, then a lot. You scrunch your face, your eyes still closed. You move away from the hand but then you feel it tickle at your sides. You jerk awake and slap the hand away from you. It’s Dean. Of course, it is. He chuckles at your annoyance. You roll your eyes. 

“Come on, we’re here”, he says and hops out of the jeep, closing the driver's side door with a slam. 

You rub at your eyes momentarily before you shake your head, shaking any tiredness out of your body. Then, you jump out of the jeep. You hear voices and assume that Dean is catching up with Risa and Cas. You move towards the voices, and you’re right. 

“Morning sleepy head”, Dean jabs. 

You scoff and roll your eyes. You step towards the trio and stand beside Cas. 

“Dean...”, you say, as a warning. 

Dean chuckles and puts his hands up, he knows better than to start with you when you’re fresh out of a nap. You always did need some time to defrost when waking up or someone would most likely get their head bitten off. But, once you were up, you were up and ready to slay whatever monster needed slaying. 

“We should get moving, it’s still a bit until we reach the building”, Risa says, putting everyone back on high-alert. 

Dean is back to being his authoritative, grumpy leader self. You roll your eyes as he steps forward, putting his hands on his hips. 

“Okay. Everyone sticks together, I don’t want anyone wandering off. If someone needs a bathroom break, we go in pairs. Understand?”, Dean cautions. 

Everyone nods and Dean sighs, nodding to himself. He then eyes you, giving you an intense look. 

“Y/N, I have something for you”, Dean says, he motions for you to follow him. So, you do. 

You trail Dean as he makes his way to the back of the jeep. He opens the back and fishes around for something, then he smiles as his hands grip a gun. It’s a handgun, but not any handgun, it’s Dean’s Beretta 92. He hands it to and you take it. 

“This is your gun”, you say. 

“Yeah, I know. Don’t lose it”, Dean replies. 

You smile at him and grip the gun tightly, uncocking the gun and letting the magazine fall into your hands, you graze over it lightly, inspecting it. Then, you shove it back into the clip, with a click. You cock the gun once more and turn the safety on and slip the gun into your waistband at the back of your jeans. You look up to see Dean staring at you. 

“What?”, you ask, you feel awkward from having Dean’s eyes on you for so long. 

Dean shakes his head, seemingly being snapped out of his trance. 

“I, uh, I forgot how hot you were with a gun”, he says, in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. 

You smile and blush. But then you roll your eyes, walking back to the others, you don’t want to give Dean the satisfaction. He chuckles and jogs to keep up with you. When he joins the rest of you, he nods. 

“Keep your eyes peeled. We’re entering a hot-zone. Stay alert”, Dean adds before you’re all off. 

* 

You’re all walking together, sometimes you walk beside Dean while other times you walk with Cas and make conversation. Everyone is sharp, looking out for the inevitable attack from Croats, but surprisingly, it never comes. You’re further and further into the hot-zone, seeing flipped over cars, broken glass and whatever semblance of a once put together society remains. It’s rather eerie. 

Just when you think you’re lost, that Dean has led you astray, you see it. Out of all of the surrounding buildings, this one sticks out. It’s just as collapsed and frayed as all the rest but it has an aura around it. Something that says that this is it. You’re all standing there, eyeing it, waiting for Dean’s instructions. 

“This way”, Dean says, in a hushed tone. 

You all follow Dean’s lead. There is a gap in a chain-link fence and you all squeeze through. This part of the area has an advantage, you can see every angle of the building and its surrounding from it. You’re on grass now. You all hurry, hot on Dean’s trail. He crouch walks towards a line-up of cars, closing in on them. He leans against them then, sliding his back down and squatting to remain hidden. 

Everyone follows suit, mimics Dean’s movements. You are next to Dean, his breathing is ragged and so is yours, when you take notice. You all pause for a moment, looking around, hoping to not be seen by... no-one. Suddenly, it hits you. Didn’t Dean say this area was going to be crawling with Croats and demons? Where are they? It’s completely silent except for the environment and even that, is suspiciously quiet. 

“There. Second-floor window. We go in there”, Dean says, pointing to the window. 

You frown. That doesn’t seem like a good idea, but you keep quiet for now. 

“You sure about this?”, Risa questions. 

Dean looks her way and nods then he looks back to you. He eyes the ground, still breathing heavily. 

“Yeah. They'll never see us coming. Trust me. Now, weapons check. We're on the move in five”, he announces. 

You scrunch your face for a moment, thinking about Dean’s plan and how awful it is. Dean would never suggest that, it’s dangerous and not to mention, risky. Then, something clicks. Dean’s lying to you, to all of you. He would never suggest something like this unless he had something else up his sleeve. You scoff to yourself, you need to confront him, see what his plan is. Risa and Cas move closer together, checking their weapons and talking amongst themselves. You look at Dean, wanting to talk to him. 

“Dean, can we talk for a minute?”, you ask. 

He nods and stands, you do the same. He looks to Cas. 

“Be back in a second”, he tells Cas, who nods. 

You and Dean walk away from the others, but not too far away. He stops and turns around, eyeing you and crossing his arms. 

“What is it?”, he asks, almost concerned. 

“What aren’t you telling me? Us?”, you say, gesturing back to Risa and Cas. 

Dean rubs his scruff and tries to look angry but he fails, he just looks amused. 

“Nothing gets past you, Y/N”, Dean admits. 

“I know you too well, Dean. I know your lying face. Seen it enough times”, you reply. 

Dean shakes his head with a light chuckle, you smile in response. 

“So, what is it? Why are you suggesting such a tactless strategy here?”, you ask, more serious this time. 

Dean sighs, he looks back towards Risa and Dean before he pulls you close to him, keeping his voice low. 

“Because, they’re the decoy”, Dean says, nonchalantly. 

You back away from him, a scowl on your face. 

“You’re kidding?”, you ask. When Dean’s face doesn’t resemble any sort of smile or laugh, your face drops. He’s serious. “Dean, what the Hell?”. 

Dean pulls you further away from the two, but you wriggle out of his grip, pushing him back as you do, just to reinforce the idea that you’re pissed. 

“Just hear me out?”, Dean asks. 

You nod, raising your hands in surrender. You wait for him to explain. 

“This place should be overrun with Croats, with something... but there’s nothing here”, he says. 

You look around, for the effect but you know there's nothing here. The eeriness taking over even more. 

“It’s a trap...”, you finish Dean’s thought, looking down. 

“Yeah. We can’t go through the front, they’ll be expecting it. So, they’re going to be the decoys, while you and I go around the back, end this once and for all”, Dean says. His voice is steady, confident, like he knows exactly what he’s doing and has no qualms with his choices. 

You shake your head, not believing your ears. 

“Dean, no...”, you say. “These are your friends, it’s Cas!”

Dean looks away but seemingly unchanged by your outrage. 

“I can’t let you do this”, you say finally. 

You’re about to walk away, tell the others of Dean’s true plan when you hear Dean from behind you. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I can’t let you do that, not when I’ve come this far. I’ve sacrificed too much not to see this through...”, Dean says, low. 

You’re about to turn around, talk Dean down when the world goes black. You hit the ground with a thud. As you slip into unconsciousness, you hear Dean whisper something. 

“I love you”.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for sticking with me throughout this story. i really enjoyed writing it! i'm currently working on a new fic so look out for that. let me know your thoughts about this fic. i hope you all enjoyed it! anyways, take care and stay safe! 
> 
> **i made the ending sort of open-ended because i might do more with it *hint hint nudge nudge* 
> 
> be sure to leave a kudos, a comment or subscribe for more from me!

You’re slow to wake up, the world is still spinning. You feel around and realize that you’re on the ground. Dean must’ve knocked you out again. Dammit. You move around and lift your body up from the dirt. Your head pounds and then you hear it. Gunfire and a lot of it. You then remember what is probably going down right about now. 

In a panic, you stand up. You’re still a bit dizzy and stumble, catching yourself before you hit the ground again. You shake your head and breathe, mentally making a note of where you should go. You look around and see that there is flashing coming from the second story. The second story is where Cas and Risa are. You need to get to them. 

You jog towards the building, making quick work of crossing the open field. Then, an unnatural sound erupts. There are more flashes and a sound that resembles thunder. You stop in your tracks and move towards the courtyard. You remember noticing it when you were first entering the area. 

You round the corner and are greeted with a haunting sight. Dean is on the ground, writhing around as someone stands above him, their foot on his neck. Suddenly, Dean’s neck snaps and his body is lifeless. You gasp audibly and your knees feel weak. There are tears in your eyes and they spill onto your cheeks. You look up to see who killed Dean and you see a man in a white suit, someone you know. It’s Sam. You’d recognize him anywhere. 

But, you quickly figure out that it’s not Sam, it can’t be. You remember what Dean had told you, that Sam said ‘yes’ to Lucifer, so this, it wasn’t Sam. This was Lucifer wearing him to the prom. 

Sam seemingly notices you now and smirks. He removes his foot from Dean’s neck and steps over him, adjusting his suit. Your eyes are still on Dean’s face, his eyes have now glazed over. 

“Well, aren’t you a surprise”, Sam says. It doesn’t even sound like Sam. It’s like he’s a ventriloquist dummy and Lucifer is speaking for him. 

You look at him now. You’re sure you’re sobbing but you don’t care. You’re shaking too, but not out of fear, it’s out of anger. He steps closer to you and you back away, not wanting to be anywhere near him. Sam chuckles slightly. He then lifts his finger and puts it to his lips, like he’s thinking about something. 

Then, lightning and thunder erupt again, and suddenly, Sam is behind you. You jump and turn around, backing away again, giving yourself as much distance as possible. 

“You've come a long way to see this, haven't you?”, he chides. 

You let out a pained half-chuckle. You can’t believe this is happening right now.

“You could say that”, you say, low. Your voice cracks and you are still shaking. 

Sam smiles, like he’s amused that you are scared out of your mind, like he senses it. 

“You’re the best friend... correct?”, he asks, waiting patiently and intently for your answer. 

You can’t speak all of a sudden, so all you do is nod. Lucifer smiles. 

“I know all about you, Y/N”, he says, amused. 

Your blood runs cold as he says your name, it makes the bile in your stomach rise to your throat. You want to run away, get as far away as possible, but your feet feel like they are made out of cement blocks. They have you stuck in place, against your will. 

“So, is the part where you kill me?”, you ask. 

Sam makes a confused look but then he shakes his head, chuckling. 

“Not at all. That wouldn’t be productive to our story, now would it?”, Sam explains. 

You swallow visibly. What the fuck was he on about? 

“O- our story?”, you ask, meekly. 

Sam starts to pace, he goes to stand near a bush of roses, he bends down and smells one, he smiles almost too sweetly. It makes your stomach turn. 

“The story that we’re all in. Sam, Dean, you and me...”, he says. 

You let out a shaky breath. 

“And what does this story entail?”, you ask, a little bolder now. 

Sam looks up at you, almost like he’s offended, like he expected you to figure out his little game already. He puts his hands behind his back and steps forward. He then smiles at you, looking at you intensely, like he could swat you with the bat of an eye and not break a sweat. 

“The Apocalypse, of course. We all have our part to play”, Sam says. 

You shake your head, albeit involuntarily. 

“Not me”, you say out of reflex. 

Sam chuckles and saddles up to you, standing a mere inch from you. You’re still shaking. He then lifts a hand and you flinch, snapping your eyes shut, ready for the end. But, it doesn’t come. You open your eyes again and see Lucifer holding your chin in his hand and looking at your face with curiosity. 

“The deviant one”, he starts, he drops your face and begins to circle around you, like a shark does when they are circling their prey, “Even more so than Sam and Dean...”

“I’ll take that as a compliment, thanks”, you say, snidely. 

Lucifer laughs out loud, laughing to the point where you have to look at him because what you said wasn’t that amusing. 

“There are some big plans for you, Y/N”, Lucifer says as he stands behind you. You shudder. 

“Everyone keeps saying that I’m a pawn and that I am part of this big plan but honestly, I think it’s a load of crock because I’m really not that special”, you say. 

Lucifer stands in front of you and stares at you. 

“You’re right about the ‘not special’ part”, Lucifer says and chuckles. Ouch. “I could swat you right here, right now but what would be the point of that...” 

You sniff and rub at your eyes. Sam looks down at you and nods then he begins to walk away. You don’t know what to do next, but you need answers, to all of it. 

“Stop!”, you yell at him and pull out your gun from your waistband. 

You hold it out and turn the safety off, cocking it. You hold it up with both hands, pointing it at the Devil himself. Out of all of the stupid things you’ve ever done, this had to be up there. You are breathing heavily now. Sam turns back to you, smirking and shaking his head. He walks up to you, standing before you. 

“I hate to break it to you, but that thing won’t do much to hurt me”, he says, amused. 

You scoff and lower the gun. He smiles and turns his back again. 

“I need to know!”, you shout at him. 

He faces you once more, a confused look on his face. 

“You need to know what?”, Lucifer asks. 

“I need to know why. Why all of this? Why am I at the centre of it?”, you ask, genuinely. 

Lucifer chuckles and nods. 

“I can’t give away all of the party tricks right away. But, you’ll soon figure it out”, Sam says, walking away. “Until next time, Y/N”. 

And with that, lighting and thunder flash again and he is gone. You let out a sigh of relief but you feel nauseous all of a sudden. You look around and you aren’t in the courtyard anymore. Instead, you are in your motel room, the one that isn’t torn apart. You look around and see Zachariah in the corner. He walks up to you. You’re back to being angry again. 

“If it isn’t dickless himself”, you mock. 

“Enough. Y/N, enough. You saw it, right? You saw what happens. You're the only person who can prove the devil wrong, the only one that can convince Dean to say ‘yes’ to Michael. To end this before it starts”, Zach tells you.

You pace around the room, thinking over your options, thinking about what Lucifer said. Maybe you really did have a bigger part to play in all this than just being some angel pawn and a friend to the Winchester’s. You stop and look at Zachariah, really look at him. 

“Nah”, you say simply. 

“'Nah'? You telling me you haven't learned your lesson?”, he asks, fervently. 

“Maybe just not the one you wanted me to learn”, you start. 

You walk up to Zachariah, getting in his face. 

You look him up and down, scoffing, “I realized that I have a bigger part to play, one that is even bigger than what you angels are letting on. So, no, I won’t convince Dean to say ‘yes’ to Michael and I’m not letting Lucifer have Sam. You can all go to Hell. Screw destiny and screw all this crap, because I’m not buying what you’re selling”. 

You’re breathing heavily again, shaking in anger. Zachariah looks about ready to throttle you, but you aren’t backing down. 

“You-”, he starts but is cut off. 

Suddenly, you aren’t in the motel room anymore. You look around in fear, figuring out where you are. Then, you see Cas and Dean. You sigh in relief. Dean turns to you and wraps you up in a hug, crushing you effectively. He breathes you in and kisses your hair, pulling away. 

“How did you-”, you begin to ask, looking between the both of them. 

“When you weren’t picking up, I called Cas. He said you weren’t on Earth anymore, we figured Zachariah had gotten to you. When he sensed you again, we brought you here...”, Dean explains. 

You nod. You look at Cas and it’s odd not seeing him with scruff and without a trenchcoat. 

“Thanks, Cas”, you say. 

He nods and walks away from you and Dean. Dean reaches out a hand and strokes your cheek. 

“He didn’t hurt you, did he?”, Dean asks, low. 

“No, he didn’t. Wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle”, you say, keeping mum about some details. 

Dean smiles. 

“That’s my girl”, he says, full of love. 

He moves forwards and dips his head down, kissing you passionately. He pulls back after a few minutes and hugs you again. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?”, he asks, muffled from having his face buried in the crook of your neck. 

You pause. You can’t tell Dean everything, not yet at least. For right now, you needed to spare him some details, it would hurt too much. You also needed time to think. Think about what Lucifer said, what you came to realize. That you aren’t just a pawn to the angels, no, you’re something more, your part is much bigger. Now, you just need to figure out what that part entails. 

“Yeah, yeah I’m good”.


End file.
